Chapter Twelve

 

He is always asking me questions. Where was I? Why wasn't I home when he called if he worked later at the drugstore?

I took Caesar for a walk in the field. Caesar would look for ground moles. I would sit on the grass at the top of the hill and wonder what was going on. We have only been married two months...things are changing with him...or have they? Did I just ignore the signs...hoping to change him...hoping to make him happy...not drink so much? He would always ask, "Did I get the laundry done...did I pay the bills...how much longer am I going to drive back and forth to O & E to work...why don't I quit...I don't need to work...I should just be a wife and stay home and take care of the house."
We spend every night at the Yacht Club, except on Mondays when they are closed...then I have to drive from work at O & E to Maniva, another favorite place where everyone knows him...another restaurant with a bar, then we drive home in separate cars...he is drinking a lot more...so am I...I have to stop. Maybe I could go to an AA meeting after work and see if it would help me understand more about his drinking. Don't I make him happy enough? I do everything he asks me to...even some things I don't like. I hate it when he forces me down on him while he is driving the car, especially if we go to the Cleveland area to visit his sister and her family...or anytime for that matter. He is my husband...it is my job and my commitment to our marriage to see that his wishes are met...I must please him in all ways....he is the provider...the head of the household...his wish is my command...he is my security for the future...he is a good man...he works hard...he deserves to unwind after a hard day. I must make his life happy.

I had gone to an Al-Anon meeting. I walked in the door about ten-thirty.
"Where the hell have you been?
I said, "If you must know, I went to an Al-Anon meeting on Market Avenue."
"Don't get smart with me. Why would you do that? I don't believe you. You are seeing someone, aren't you?"
"Bob, please, you're hurting my arm! I am not seeing anyone. I went to try and understand why you drink so much."
"You didn't have to go to some damn meeting, if that's what you did. What did you tell them anyway? Did you mention my name? I work really hard and I like to unwind after a hard day. I provide for you. Are you nuts or something? Why would you do such a thing?"
He really started to get angry, and his eyes just seemed to glaze over and they looked bloodshot.
"Did you let Caesar out?"
"I'm not responsible for your stupid, damn dog! You are. He's your dog."
"Caesar, come on boy, go potty." I walked over to the sliding glass door and let him out.
Bob grabbed my arm again after I closed the door and whirled me around to face him.
"Who are you seeing, Becky? Tell me. Who are you having an affair with, you slut?"
All of a sudden I found myself on the floor. Caesar was at the sliding glass door, barking his head off and watching us from the other side. He knew something was wrong with all the shouting going on. I tried to get up but Bob shoved me back down again. He came down on top of me, and he started tearing at my clothes. He held me down with one arm. He is so strong. I can't get up! Caesar is standing up at the sliding glass door...clawing at it. He never did that before. But then, he never had a reason too.

"Bob, stop...stop...you're hurting me..."
"I'll teach you, you little whore. After I'm done you won't want anyone else!"
"Don't, please, don't...stop...stop...stop...please, stop...I'm sorry...stop...please, honey, don't...there's no one else..." I quit fighting him. I had no more strength left.

How could he have done that? What did I do to make him do that to me? I thought he loved me.

"Oh, Caesar, you are such a good dog...I know if you had been inside you would have gone after him...you would have protected me...we could have both fought him."

It's after one o'clock...he must still be at the Yacht Club...they close at one...he will be back soon. What do I do? I have no place to go. What will he do when he returns? Will he be even more drunk? Will he come after me again? If he does, Caesar will be here to protect me, and I won't let him out of my sight. I will yell and scream and fight back! 

I heard the car door slam shut. He's back. What will he do now?